How many times, in the stressful environment we live in, apologies are being rendered? As after thoughts.
It happens everywhere – in corporate world or in our personal lives. Out of control in a charged situation, words come out unintentionally. And then what follows is a patch-up. More actions, and more words. In these emotionally charged moments how strange can it be that when our brain knows all along the difference between right and wrong, the body makes a choice that fails us!
Well this post is not about hurting others’ feelings. It’s about getting in tune with our own.
The premise is that when we act first and feel guilty later, we are in effect being blindsided by our own EMOTIONS while being blind to our FEELINGS.
To make the point clearer remember there is a distinction between “emotion” and “feelings”. Emotions has a root word motion in it. It’s how we respond to a stimuli say – cry when you see a movie, laugh at a joke, look bored etc. Once these actions (visible to the outer environment or not) have been set into motion, our consciousness attaches meaning to it. Sometimes the meaning can be labeled and sometimes it can’t. That meaning is called a feeling. We cry (emotion), we are sad (feeling). So a very “emotional” person may have little clue about how he/she is really “feeling”. That is what I call being a slave to one’s emotions, while being blind to one’s feelings.
True of people who value caring for others over self-care. Could be a parent, a nurse, a teacher, a care-giver or any person who has been conditioned to suppress, repress or project one’s feelings instead of acknowledging them.
Being aware of one’s own feelings can only happen when we permit ourselves to give special attention to the most important person in our lives. That is “us”.
Few ways to up your ante on how you are feeling…
1. Doing a self check-in. Your body reacts to stimuli within nano seconds. When you are exposed to a stimuli, a remark, an argument, or a normal conversation try scanning where and how it feels in your body. Is it causing your stomach to knot, or are you feeling it in your shoulders, maybe you are clenching your jaws, sweaty palms anyone, you get the drift.
Your language may have limited descriptive words, but your bodily sensations are uniquely yours. And once you have labeled it, it’s awareness gives you control over it. And it stops driving you.
2. Indulge in a meditative activity daily. Whatever suits your style…a walk in the nature, or a morning meditative exercise, make time yourself…for yourself.
In the “Power of Awareness” the author writes “Our deepest feelings are precisely those we are least able to express, and even in the act of adoration, silence is our highest praise”. Being silent is the highest form of praise and love we can give ourselves.
3. Journal. If writing is not your style, then record. Or like a client of mine who loved to keep a sketching journal.
Once you know which stimuli causes you to feel which way, you are no longer a slave to it.
You are able to express yourself authentically, without any repentance even in those hyper charged situations.
Photo courtesy of Master Isolated Images / freedigitalphotos.net.